Marriage as your Legacy…

The ever-affable and humorous Rebbetzen Mizrahi once quipped:

“Don’t be so very-very quick to divorce. Nothing so-very-very-better is waiting for you. Rega! Men need time to learn. Ten years, twenty years, fifty years! I’m still waiting.”

Her thick Israeli accent and humor made the audience laugh, but behind the laughter lies a serious truth: marriage takes time.

And yet, for many women the laughter stops quickly. They’re sad, lonely, or plain angry.

“I don’t need this. It’s not my job to raise him. I just want out.”

They are tired. Fed up.

As the adage: “Every marriage over a week has grounds for divorce. The trick is to stay married.”

Why We Bless Our Brides with Adam and Chava

When a Jewish couple marries, we bless them that their marriage be like Adam and Chava’s. Why not bless them with the marriages of their grandparents, who were married sixty years?

Because Adam and Chava were the only couple in history who never questioned if they were married to the wrong person. No “maybe someone else would be better.” No comparing. Just the certainty of being destined.

We rarely question whether our children are our bershert—of course they are. So why doubt that our spouse, too, was pre-ordained?

Leah: From Hated to Beloved

The Torah gives us a blueprint through the lives of our Matriarchs. None knew this struggle better than Leah.

She woke up the morning after her wedding with a gut-wrenching thought: This must be a mistake! Her husband had been tricked into marrying her. And yet, Torah tells us Leah went from the “hated woman” (senuah) to the “beloved woman” (nesuah). She alone merited to be buried beside Yaakov for eternity.

How did Leah transform her marriage? Through patience, gratitude, and trust in G-d.

Patience: We show endless patience for our children—why not for their father? Leah teaches us that patience is within us.

Gratitude: Leah was destined for Eisav, a beast of a man, yet through prayer she was given Yaakov, an angel of a man. Her gratitude fueled her. Love may waver, but gratitude endures.

Trust: When mocked for her “pathetic” status, Leah trusted G-d completely, naming her sons with thanks—Reuven, Shimon, Levi—each one a declaration of Divine love.

Thinking Good, Living Good

The Rebbe taught: when we place our full trust in G-d, believing sincerely in a good outcome despite bleak reality, we rise above nature itself. That faith elicits an extra measure of Divine generosity.

In other words: Think good, and it will be good.

Practical Tools for Today

Modern wisdom echoes our mothers’ lessons. In The Empowered Wife, Laura Doyle teaches that every marriage can be saved with a shift in perspective:

Self-care: Do something daily that delights you. A depleted woman cannot nurture intimacy.

Express desires gracefully: Requests framed as inspiration, not demands, restore closeness.

Planned pleasures: Schedule joy into your week. Pleasure fuels patience.

Confidantes: Call a friend, sister, or mentor before calling a lawyer. Don’t go through it alone.

Your Legacy as a Matriarch

The sense that our marriage is doomed may feel real, but it is only a condition of galus (exile). Our true destiny is eternal Yiddishe and Chassidishe bliss, building strong and joyful generations.

Each woman today is the matriarch of her own family line. Your choices ripple through future generations. Sometimes that means finding strength to heal after divorce. Sometimes it means digging deep to hold on with renewed gratitude and faith.

Either way—don’t put the weight on the children. Don’t walk it alone. Call on Sarah, Rivka, Rachel, and Leah. Call on your sisters and friends. And most of all, call on G-d.

Because love may falter, but faith, gratitude, and destiny endure.